I dedicate this blog to YOU: our readers and supporters. 

I pray that you know how valuable you have been to our journey.

This past year we were safe, healthy, and joyful because of your prayers.

We had everything we needed to survive: water, food, roof over our heads and even some luxuries (like internet) because of your financial support.

Just knowing that you are reading our blogs, watching our videos and commenting on our pictures blessed us immensely. You have no idea how much we were encouraged with every comment, reply or email we got from you.

So from the bottom of our heart we say: Thank You!

You need to know that this journey has been yours also. Through every conversation we had, every hug we gave or received, every house we painted, log we moved, life God touched through us...you were there.

There is no way we could have done this without your help. We pray that you know the impact you had around the world and in our lives.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we still have a few travel days ahead of us. We are currently in Pangkor with the rest of the leaders, the teams will join us in a few days for final debrief, and the bitter sweet goodbyes will commence.

We'll be home in June! I'm excited to rest and spend lots of time with our families. We hope to have the opportunity to share this journey with all of you at some point this summer.

Looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us in the future! 

αγάπη

This is a Greek word pronounced: agape.

We don't have a word equal to this in the English language. The best we can do is "LOVE."

Love is not enough to describe AGAPE. Not when we can say that we "love" pizza, that I "love" Starbucks, "love" my new dress, your car, etc.

In the Greek language, Love itself is divided into three categories.

The first is: Eros. The physical aspect of romantic love.

The second is: Phillos. This love is brotherly love, the love you would have for a friend. Most of us understand and can honestly say that we practice or at least attempt to practice Phillos on a daily basis.

The third level and highest level of love is, you guessed it: Agape.

Agape is:

 Divine
Unconditional
Self-less
Thoughtful

 Agape is the word used in the original Greek of 1 John 4:8

God is love (agape)

αγάπη is the word that best describes who God is, and how much He loves us.

We've ben hurt time and time again by people who say they love us. Unfortunately, now it is hard to imagine how God can love us with the same kind of love. God loves us so much more.

He truly unconditionally LOVES you and me. (I'll continuing saying talking about myself, but everything I saw applies to you as well)

There's nothing I can do to stop "deserving" his love. He can't help but love me. I'm not perfect and He knows that, but he stills AGAPEs me.

He sees when I make choices that will only cause me harm and pain but αγάπηs me and allows me to make those mistakes. It's selfless because seeing me hurt saddens Him. He would rather make it all better. He's the Almighty, if He wanted my love regardless of what it could cost me He could make it happen. But he would rather give me free will and allow me to choose to love Him back.

There are signs everywhere that show His love for me. The incredible orangey/pinkish sunset over Penang the other night, the hugs from my teammates, the words of wisdom from a team leader, jokes that make me nearly pee my pants from another leader, the song on my ipod that makes me want to dance, the smiles from the homeless people that come to the shelter, a comment on my blog, email or facebook, truth found in the bible, literal signs that say that He loves me, the incredible husband He sent me.

It might sound ridiculous to you but these are all signs that God thinks about me - He gives me what I need and when I need it.

So Agape is how God loves us. It's also how we should love God and everyone else.

 "You have heard that it was said, "Love (agape) your neighbor
and hate your enemy,'
But I tell you, love (agape) your enemies"

Matthew 5:43-44

I'm called to unconditionally, selflessly, and thoughtfully love those that love me; and in the same way unconditionally, selflessly and thoughtfully love those that hate me.

Αγάπη love.

It's etched in my heart and I pray that I never forget how to αγάπη the world.

We're spending the month of May in the city of Penang. This place is so beautiful, so much diversity and so much culture. It seriously feels like I've stepped into a Bollywood movie and people will break out in a synchronized dance at any moment....I'm still waiting for that to happen.

This is our last week of ministry - it's wild and bittersweet. Let me show you a few things of our life here in Malaysia.

We split into two groups: hospital crew and shelter crew.

I was wisely chosen for the shelter crew - since I dislike hospitals so much. We help serve breakfast, prepare lunch, serve it and paint the upstairs rooms of the shelter for future teams. We've also met some friends at the shelter - most are quite the characters; still, they have huge hearts and always greet you with a smiling face. 

P

On Wednesday nights both crews teamed up with the shelter to take love to the streets.

Last week I paired up with Jeremy, my Korean friend who works at the shelter and a few other ladies.  As we headed downtown I knew my heart would break, I just didn't know how badly it would hurt.

We prayed over a woman who has 5 grown children but none will take her in. She only has one leg and in the past weeks it's been looking real bad. God's been slowly healing it that when I saw it, it has been restored!

We prayed with a few women in the sex trade and even with a "customer."

The thing that broke my heart the most was seeing a six-year-old boy waiting by his mom's "post" as she was "working." I don't know about you but when I was six I had no care in the world. My biggest worry was my sister throwing my Barbie's across the room. This boy's childhood has been robbed from him and all I could do was offer him water and attempt to play with him as I prayed for him; but he's clearly dealing with abandonment issues already. As the strangers walked away he started playing with a stray cat and I wondered what time and where he would sleep that night. 

            I heard the enthusiasm in the hospital crew's voices every evening after ministry - I wanted to see what it was all about, so I joined them for a couple of days. They are raising money for heart surgeries for kids and adults who can't afford to pay for them. The cost of one surgery is around 30,000 ringgit (I call it "bring it") that amounts to about $10,000. Their goal is to raise that amount in the short 3 weeks we are here. The last count I heard was 20,000 ringgit - almost there! I went around selling plush fish and asking for donations. Plus we got to talk to some of the staff who are all amazingly friendly. 

            Penang has been so good to me. It's enough of a city to make the transition to home a lot smoother and still has tons of quirks that remind me that we're still on the race. 

Things such as: 

GIGANTIC rats on the streets - seriously they could easily eat the stray cats that are always around
cows on the same road as the mall
super cheap food: tandoori chicken with nan for less than $3
no sidewalks
terrible smells that hit you as you walk down the street
plenty of street food
different temples at every corner
squattie potties
non western music blaring from the shops
$13 haircuts
fifty cent lemonade served in a bag
getting lost trying to find the place to teach English and nobody understanding us
being thought of as a local while spoken to in the local language (it's happened all over Asia!)
and the best thing that reminds me I'm still on the race is having 15 other people around ready to talk and make me laugh!

This blog is a direct reflection of the scramble of thoughts that's going on in my mind and my heart. I'm literally stumbling through these words to find meaning, to try to prepare to reenter North America and not lose who I've become. Please bear with me as I try to piece together some of the things I've learnt this year.

Warning: you might not like it.

 (May 5 2011)

I was sitting at a Starbucks tonight enjoying my $3 vanilla latte after watching a $3 movie with Jonathan. (It's so sweet being back together and at a place we can have cheap dates!)

I broke down.

If I'm being completely honest here, let me tell you that...well...I don't want to go home.

Okay let me rephrase that: I'm afraid of going home, of being back "home," of how I will handle it, what's "expected" of me and what I expect of myself.

The bible says that we need to love others as we love ourselves - would I give up something of mine so that my brother can have it because he needs it? I would if it was for me, so why wouldn't I do the same for a sister?

After all, belongings mean nothing:

Don't be upset when someone becomes rich,
When his wealth grows even greater;
He cannot take it with him when he dies;
His wealth will not go with him to the grave.
Psalms 49:16-17

I've seen that one the race.

More than one of my squad mates have literally given up their house for another person (a tent, but this year our tent was our house) without thinking twice if they would need it later on the race.

This is basically the norm within my squad. God's placed people in their path who have needed tents, sleeping bags, bibles, clothes, and even a laptop - and my squadmates have responded with uncanny generosity! And it works the other way too, God's provided the following for my squad mates in need: cameras, ipods, laptop, clothes, bibles, tents, etc.

I'm scared of being surrounded by luxuries that we won't share with our brothers and sisters but we so easily could.

I'm afraid of judging the typical North American.

I haven't been called to judge - the world has enough of that. I'm called to action. I'm called to speak out. I'm called to challenge. But I'm not called to judge. I'm afraid I might.

I'm afraid I will forget what I've seen, how I've felt this past year and everything's God taught me.

I'm afraid I will become complacent; that I will take up a 9-5 job and lose myself.

I'm afraid of indulging only because it's available, when excess is one of our biggest sins in North America.

I'm afraid of "reversed culture shock." I know it's going to be messy.

Please don't misread this. I'm super thrilled to be coming home, to stop packing and moving every month, to see family and friends...there are plenty of things that I'm excited about - that blog is coming I'm sure.

I have been warned about conflicting feelings when being back home - I guess this might just be the beginning.

 (May 11 2011)

FEARLESS.

That's the name of the book my former teammate Stacey Hume gave me. I started the race with lots of fears and she knew I needed to let them go.

Last week the fears came back and flooded my heart.

I talked to Jon and Bethsaida and they reminded me that fears are NOTHING compared to God.

I now remember that God is stronger and more powerful than any fear and He will be there for me.

I have become another person and I will never regress. I have seen the world and that will never change.

I'm here to please God and not men - so if I don't meet someone's expectations - even my own - that's okay; because they are not my creator, my shelter, my comforter, my strength.

 I can't wait to be home!

 I can't wait to share stories about my year and hear yours.

These are more of the things I'm looking forward to in less than 4 weeks!

convos and laughs with my family
family bbqs
tim hortos
getting in a car to see family/friends
seeing our faith family
guatemalan meals
anything else my mom makes
baking
wearing "new" clothes - everything I haven't worn in the past 11 months
"new" shoes
flushing toilet paper without checking if it's okay first
multigrain bread
cold cereal and milk - accessible all the time
my college bed
reading books that were too heavy to buy or bring on the race
second cup
free wifi
browsing around at Chapters
going for a run around my neighbourhood
not worrying about a dress code - it's okay if I show my knees and shoulders!
ice cream at port credit
a bathroom only shared with Jon
having everything I need for a shower there
being alone (we always need a buddy)
drinking water from the tap
not living out of a bag
not packing that bag several times a month
buying things regardless of  size, since I don't need to carry it around for months
dryer dried fluffy laundry
brunch
not converting currencies
referring to months by name and not by country

Can't wait to share some of those things with you!

How much harm can one tiny pebble cause?

It's so little, its existence might even make you laugh - it has no weight in this world. How much can it really matter? 

And yet it was one tiny pebble that made my life so much harder than I could've expected.

On our third week in Thailand I managed to get a pebble stuck in the bottom of my foot.

Like I said, how much harm can a pebble cause?!

Well, one of the things that pebble did was lead me to deeper dependency on the girls I was with last month. I can't tell you how much it killed me to walk.  

Somewhere along my life I learnt that if people see a need, there's no reason to ask for help. Their help should be instinctive. If it wasn't and I needed to ask for help, my response was to turn to frustration or anger. This past month has taught me more than ever that there's not only no shame in asking for help, but that being asked for help is a blessing to some. Also, some of us lack that instinct to jump to help - we need reminders at times.

My great friend Mari Tomer called me out on struggling on my own to do the things I just couldn't do with my foot hurting. She asked me to ask for their help.

I felt demanding asking someone to carry my pack as we moved to the other girls' house.  Asking them to get me a glass of water, make me a coffee, walk slowly with me, etc. 

The girls' willingness to serve me was humbling. They truly loved me last month. Though I didn't have my mom, dad or sister - not even Jon, I was reminded that I had family with me.

Back to the tiny pebble.

We went to the Dr. and found that it was nothing serious but that the tiny pebble caused a huge infection - which made it hard to walk. I hate hospitals and needles like a fat kid hates non-fat yogurt. Yet, I had to be there for hours waiting for a Dr. to take out the infection.

My lovely friend Stephanie Woody held my hand through it all, and talked to me about her favourite animal: Kittens!

When she couldn't be there anymore, I only had God to lean on.

I'll spare some of the details, but will tell you that I promise you that IT WAS NOTHING SERIOUS. 

It's been annoying now, not painful. I see friends going out for runs, walks, working out on the roof and finding great places to eat far from home.

I've also had a great time. I spent more time reading my bible in one day than I can ever remember doing. God's put so many things on my heart to pray for and given me time to do that. I've listened to podcasts that I wouldn't have if I had been out and about. Then I got to join ministry and go about meeting everyone there, got to paint at the shelter and join the worship meetings!

Last night we went to a prayer meeting. I prayed a dangerous thing. That God would only heal me if HE WOULD GET ALL THE GLORY. I don't want anyone else to feel that it was their work that healed me. Not the Dr. and not me.

I immediately felt like I could dance, run and jump! Today was probably one of the days when I've walked the most in the past month and I felt great. We went to see the Dr. and my wound healed more over night than it had in the past weeks!  

PRAISE THE LORD!

The same can be said for small situations. That tiny pebble can represent any kind of wound in your life/heart. Whatever it is, God wants to heal you.

BUT

HE has so much to teach you through it, if you're willing to learn

And HE wants to be the only one to get the GLORY!

3 amazing women that helped me get through! this was after walking lots to find a great place to eat :)

God has blessed me immensely over the past year and over the course of my life, but he began blessing me even BEFORE I was born: He picked MY MOM!!!

You made all the delicate,

Inner parts of my body

And knit me together

In my mother's womb

Psalms 139:13

He chose wisely who would house me in her belly. Watch me take my first steps - pick me up when I fall. Teach me how to ride a bike, even though she didn't have one as a child. Plan all my birthday parties, you have no idea what a task that has been! And help me plan my wedding!

My mom is without a shadow of a doubt the strongest woman I've ever met.  She hasn't had the easiest life and yet she has never lost faith in God. The trials that life throws at her only make her faith stronger.

She is selfless, caring, serves with all her heart, and loves me even when I'm not perfect.

I love you mom. I'm so greatly blessed to have you in my life!

---

God never ceases to astound me. His plans always blow me out of the water. He handpicked the perfect heart to love my husband: My Mother in law.

My second mom is the bravest woman I know. Beautiful inside and out, re-defines forgiveness, affectionate to the core and loves others as though they are family.

 I thank God for bringing you and your family to my life!

---

I'm so blessed to know so many great moms. I learn something every time I see you. You know who you are! Miss you all.

To all the moms reading this: you brighten our darkest days. You are loved by an almighty God . Even when the kids don't tell you, or it doesn't feel it, you are doing God's work and I'm sure you're doing a great job!

Happy Mother's Day! 

  At the beginning of April I wondered what I could possibly learn from being away from my husband for a whole month. Given the chance again, I highly doubt I would chose to be away from him for this long again. Still, this has been yet another amazing month with lots of eye-opening experiences and ones that have opened my heart too.

(I'm not so good at putting some thoughts or stories into words so check out my teammates blogs if you don't know what I'm talking about:: Bethsaida and Sarah wrote two great blogs.)

 Here are some highlights. 

- I got to spend LOTS of time with my A-Team Remix girls. I didn't think it would be possible, but I love them more now.

- I also got closer to the other 7 ladies we shared the month with. God just floored me with their heart and wisdom. Love you all!

 - Haiti had amazing thunderstorms, but we saw some incredible thunder with the jungle as a backdrop almost nightly during our last week in Thailand.

- In the midst of one of those thunderstorms one little girl got so scared she started crying in the middle of the night, I didn't know where she was so I turned on my headlamp. She walked towards me and I got to comfort her for a couple of minutes.

- Spending Easter here in Thailand. The girls performed a dance and sang songs. It was beautiful. HE IS RISEN! It was all about JESUS - we didn't have one piece of chocolate that day.

- Writing to Jon nightly on my journal and talking to him on the phone a few times - made me feel like we were dating again! Can't wait to see him! We get to spend a few days on our own before starting our last month on the RACE!

 - Working out with the Racers I share a house with and watching the little girls join us or pull up a chair to watch us.

- Figuring out how to work a shovel and a hoe. I learnt to love mixing cement.

 - Spending time with God. He's seriously awesome, funny, loving, understanding and truly cares about me (and you).

 - I learnt to rely on HIM much more than ever before. He also nudged me to seek the women around me for EVERYTHING!

 - Visiting a Thai temple, pretty different than the other temples I've seen in Japan, South Korea and China. It hit me that everyone is seeking to have faith but JESUS is the only way. He can see you, hear you and fights for you.

- Riding on the back of an elephant with Amanda!

 - Sleeping on a bunk bed - I remember wanting one when I was little, but I never thought that I would get to sleep on one in my late twenties with 20 girls around me and have zero room between bunks

- Waking up by the giggles of 10ish Thai girls

- Chatting with the older girls at the house. They are sweethearts!

- Learning that God provides for all your needs and wants - even when those are as simple as Cereal and Milk!

- Baby sitting two lovely missionary kids, and playing wii with them in Thailand!

- Eating brownies and chocolate chip cookies for Amanda's birthday

- Rejoicing with Bethsaida over her next season! Check out her blog

- Hugs from all my favourite girls

- Getting to know the house parents at both houses

 - Hanging out with the American missionaries here - Starbucks, Markets, and a pizza party!

 - My top memory of the month has to be this:

One of the house moms told me they bought us milk and it was in the fridge. So I walk over and open the fridge and what do I see on the INSIDE of the door where the eggs usually go?

Oh yea an OWL!!!!!

Oh cultural differences.

There were actually two owls in the fridge, and we're pretty sure they were our dinner that night.

Lovely.

How was it? Well, actually kind of delicious. It tasted like chicken.

------

We took an overnight train into the capital and bummed around there for several hours as we waited for the second train.

We spent about 3.5ish hours on that train before Amanda and I wondered if maybe the PSquad Men were in fact on a different train and just when I thought I wouldn't see JB for another day the train stopped...and we saw our men! I scrambled to see Jon and kinda went nuts when I saw him; I even jumped which wouldn't be a big deal in another situation except I banged my head on the sleeper above me - I forgot I was on a train.

We spent the next hours catching up, passed through the border, took a ferry and a taxi and arrived at our final home of ministry during the Race. 

We're partnered up with a homeless shelter in the area and might even get to teach English. I'm extremely excited for this month. Please pray that our team stays focused on the now, relies on God through it all and finishes strong. Also pray that the city can witness the LOVE and power of God.

Sawadi Ka! A si se dice Hola en Thailandia!

He tenido ganas de venir a Thailandia por mucho tiempo y al fin Dios me lo concidio! Pero los planes de Dios son muy diferentes a los que nosotros hacemos. Este es el mes cuando los hombres y las mujeres trabajan separados. No he visto a Jon desde el 2 de Abril!! Solo faltan 5 dias para que nos reunamos otra vez, y tambien para empezar el ultimo mes de la Carrera! 

Estoy con 10 mujeres mas y hemos estado trabajando en una casa para niñas quien estan a riesgo de ser compradas  para llevarlas a las cantinas y atraparlas en la industria de sexo. Hay unas personas que van a los pueblitos y le mienten a los papas, abuelos, y les dicen que tienen trabajo para ellas en restaurantes o en casas. Las compran desde chiquitas y regresan por ellas en unos años por ellas. No es que los papas no las quieren, si no que quieren algo mejor para ellas. Ademas, en la cultura de Thailandia todos los hijos tienen la responsibilidad de ayudar a los papas -  y no importa que hacen para mandarles dinero.

Los primeros dias que pasan en esta casa, todas comen lo mas que pueden a cada tiempo de comer - porque no estan acostumbradas a comer 3 veces al dia. Esta casa no solo les da una cama, 3 comidas diarias , las mandan a la escuela, les ensenan Ingles, les dan esperanza, amor, les hablan de Jesus y tambien les dan de regreso su niñez!

Aunque somos 11 en total, estamos divididas en dos grupos, porque hay dos casas con niñas. Quiero mucho a las 4 otras mujeres que estan conmigo - nos dimos como nombre: Luzes del Norte (porque todas son del Norte de los EU y yo de Canada).

Ellas son unas de mis favoritas. No puedo decirles los nombres por gurdar su seguridad.

Estubimos aqui a tiempo de celebrar el año nuevo de Thailandia. Ellos celebran con una gran pelea de agua! Por donde quiera que vayan te tiran agua, y tu les tiras tambien. Fue muy divertido. Aqui esta un video que hizo mi amiga Amanda.

Mi amiga Bethsaida hizo uno enseñando parte de nuestro trabajo aqui. Disfruten!

We Dig Dig Dig Dig from Bethsaida Portalatin on Vimeo.

Esta jornada no hubiera sido possible sin sus oraciones, su apoyo y sus donaciones. Recuerden que esta trayectoria no es solo nuestra, si no que tambien es de ustedes. Cada paso  que damos, cada abrazo que recibimos tambien es suyo. Ustedes estan aqui. Y ya solo tenemos un mes mas! Va ser como decimos en Ingles "Bitter Sweet" = Amargo y Dulce. Triste de decirle adios a todos lo que hemos conocido pero estamos emocionados para lo que sigue - que todavia estamos orando por ello! 

Los quiero! Dios los bendiga!

 We spent our fist two days in Bangkok getting debriefed on the culture. Jon

and I spent every second we could together. Then we prayed over the men as they were getting ready to leave for their month of MANistry, "manly ministry". I have to be honest and tell you that I pretty much cried for two days straight before we prayed for them. I knew we'd learn a lot from God, ourselves, and our brothers/sisters through the separation but I still didn't want it. While I was praying I heard God saying this about the month: "it's not a waste."

The ladies from the A-Team Remix were partnered up with the women from Team Truth, and Dismantled.Repaired. There are 11 of us in total. God knew I would need all 10 of these beautiful, strong women here with me.

We're working at Remember Nhu a home for girls at risk of being involved in the sex industry. Remember Nhu works on the preventing girls from getting trapped into the industry. The risk could be poverty, but there are so many factors that play into being at risk. Having one parent, parents abusing alcohol or drugs, being abandoned, ­­­­­etc.

The girls here get three meals a day, get to go to school, are free to enjoy their childhood, attend church and hear about Jesus, and will always know that they have another option if they ever find themselves nearing the sex industry.

These girls have been RESCUED!! Rejoice with us!

God's brought them here to be blessed and I know that He'll use them later to be a blessing.

Our main ministry this month is to bless these beautiful girls by cleaning up and laying cement on a trench. Why? Well in the rainy season the road that leads to Remember Nhu gets flooded. We're helping the missionaries here make sure that doesn't happen anymore. I've learnt a lot about mixing cement and shoveling; stuff I never thought I would learn. But it's fun!

We also get the chance to get to know the girls - as much as you can without knowing the Thai language. One of the first nights here at Remember Nhu rescued a few more girls, one of them was intimidated by the new environment and had a hard time sleeping. The five of us who are living in the same dorm got a chance to comfort her. We sang, Bethsaida told stories, we prayed and Natalie hugged her until our new friend could sleep. It's been wonderful seeing the turn around she's made; she went from looking grumpy all the time to smiling and playing in the swings! She now loves this place and we're grateful we got the chance of being a part of that.

For more info on this ministry visit: http://www.remembernhu.org/

_____

I miss Jon, but I'm thankful for this month. Heart you JB - see you in two.5 weeks!

Happy Birthday Mommy! You are an inspiration. Praying for you, can't wait to see you in two months.